we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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