so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
