I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
zippers are such a cool invention
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
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