conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
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