she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
