Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
