My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
