i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
