JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Randomize
