either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
