Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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