is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
