Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
