So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
