I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
