We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
