why didn't you poke me back
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Randomize
