your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
