never play flip cup with pint glasses
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
