Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
