how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Randomize
