My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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