I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
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