Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
