you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
they're like a gay fantastic four
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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