why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
