the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Randomize
