Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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