i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
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