you would pick up someone in the library
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
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