Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
This toilet bowl is my home.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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