I think my vagina is haunted
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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