Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
