billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
