I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
