DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
