We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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