Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
