please come you make the beer taste better
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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