I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
