how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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