Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
so much tequila, so little girl.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
