why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
