i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
