Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
