she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
