this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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