i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
