How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
