So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
a search helicopter?!
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Randomize
