Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
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