If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
