You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I stole a fireplace last night.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
