just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
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