Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
