Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
