i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
